Tennis Lessons

Carol and I started our tennis match on a hot summer night. My opponent was tall, fit, and an experienced singles player. The first set was over in record time. Changing sides of the court took longer than in some of the games.

Carol would serve, and I would flail, desperately trying to return the ball. She would answer my shot with a sharply angled hit, and I would scramble across the court, waving my racket ineffectually. If I were lucky, Carol's return would be mercifully unreturnable.

I hated the first set; my internal narrative was as unproductive as my tennis shots. 
I blamed my team captain because she created the lineup that placed me across from Carol. Of course, I was sure that Carol had lied about her ranking. I even blamed my just broken toe. I would have blamed more things, but I was too busy chasing balls. How can I be responsible for a 0-6 set? I am a good player, I work hard, it's not my fault if I fail, it's because……

I was deep into victim mode, and boy, it's comfortable there.

Being blameless is a cozy spot.

Many of my clients find themselves in the same neighborhood. Coworkers didn't do their part of the project, or bosses were withholding feedback.

That night, I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that my failure wasn't my fault. It took a lot of mental gymnastics and worked for about four games.

But, staying there guaranteed that my losses would continue. Carol was an excellent player, and she wouldn't let up. I wasn't losing because of my captain, Carol, or even my toe.

I started seeing new options when I accepted my role in the debacle. First, I noticed Carol's hitting patterns. She liked to move up to the net to finish the point and to keep her back, eliminating her best shots.

I anticipated her shots accurately, used lops to push her back, and found my forehand topspin. I eventually clawed my way to a 6-4 second set win.

Carol prevailed in the tiebreak and walked away with the victory.

But I did win in a more critical arena; I learned that being a victim is seductive. It's cozy and blameless, but it costs a lot.

I'm proud that I came back and won the second set, but I am proudest of slaying the victim monster.