The Value of Questions

I wish I had learned to ask questions long ago. Instead of like many others, I relied on my education, experience, expertise, and willingness to self-train to move my career along. And I'm not alone, this is something that most professionals do. After all, we've been trained and rewarded for having the "right" answers since grade school, acing the test, mastering SATs and GMATs and LSATs got us pretty far. College, grad school, first job, additional responsibilities all come because we had the right answers

 At some point, reliance on expertise isn't enough and in fact, can stall a promising career. The demands of always having answers, our attachment to being right and the one who knows, sucks up energy and time that should be devoted to broader areas of responsibility and team development.

 I coach high performers at two of UNC's Kenan Flagler Executive Education programs. Based on feedback offered from peers, managers and direct reports, these folks see the consequences of too much reliance on knowing.  The reports show that holding on to expertise causes bottlenecks, employee disengagement and stifles innovative because of over-reliance on tried and true methods. To succeed, these folks have to let go of the safety of expertise and move into the unknown territory of asking questions.

 For all my formal education, I don't remember ever being taught how to question. Sure, I've asked lots of questions. As a parent, I used the classic "Do you know what time it is?" To friends, I've said "You're wearing that?" and then of course to my husband, "Does this make me look fat?"

 To be clear, I'm not recommending using these "weaponized" questions. I now know not to ask questions when I know the answer. Instead of asking my minor son, "Have you been drinking?" I learned to say, "You've been drinking." Using a question when you know the answer is disrespectful and encourages lying. 

 It's equally ineffective to use a question to mask your opinion. Asking a friend is she intends to wear a sleeveless dress to a funeral is demeaning and is a clumsy attempt to hide my own interpretation of the rules of fashion.  And I long ago learned that my outfit isn't going to get rid of the extra ten pounds I've carried around for the last twenty years, so why put my husband on the spot. 

 A "good" questions encourages exploration of issues, promotes thought and develop teammates' expertise. Work to keep a judgmental tone out of your questions, after all, real questions come from curiosity. Any hint of judgment will shut the conversation down. One rule of thumb is to replace how and why with what.  Instead of "How did the project cost run over?"  try "What caused the project costs to escalate?" 

 "Why is the report late?" can be replaced by "What challenges came up that delayed the report?" Starting questions with What gives space for inquiry, dialogue, and exploration. 

 Questions have the power to replace judgment with genuine curiosity and real curiosity is the launching pad for exploration, personal development, and engagement. I have no doubt that my career would have benefitted if I had had the courage to genuinely ask questions. “What we choose to ask, when we ask, what our underlying attitude is as we ask—all are key to relationship building, to communication, and to task performance.” Edgar H. Schein, the author of a The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling, a wonderful book on the value of asking. I hope you'll add questions to your must-have management toolbox, you'll reap great rewards.