No One Understands You and What You Can Do About It
I love Heidi Grant Halvorson’s book. After devouring it, I’d strongly encourage you to read it thoroughly. The book makes a compelling, well-researched argument about the power of impressions and the challenges of changing impressions.
As Dr. Halvorson says,
“...We are operating under two very flawed assumptions: first, that other people see you objectively as you are and second, that other people see you as you see yourself.”
Every action we take is subject to interpretation. We have almost no control over how others view our actions. In fact, long-held, and invisible assumptions color the lens through which others see us.
Assumptions are generally useful, since they save us time and energy. Without them, we could not move through our day. But just like the fish who doesn’t know he is swimming in water, we are often unaware of the assumptions we hold. This is called confirmation bias, and it only allows us to collect information that confirms our existing viewpoint. This is why first impressions will color all future interactions.
During a first impression, two questions are always asked and answered:
Do you have good intentions towards me?
Do you have what it takes to act on those intentions?
If the answer to these questions is a resounding yes, then congratulations you've made a good first impression. Confirmation bias will dictate that all your future actions will be seen through a positive lens.
But, that same confirmation bias will also make it hard to change a first impression.
No One Understands You and What You Can Do About It outlines in wonderful, fun, compelling detail what you need to consider, try and execute in order to change others' perceptions of you.
And if a powerful person has a negative first impression of you, good luck. It will take a lot of work to change that negative impression. But don’t despair, Dr. Halvorson has great advice and suggestions.
I will leave you with this wonderful quote also found in the book from Dirk Gentley's Holistic Detective Agency:
"They have always understood a great deal more than they let on. It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion about them.
On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever."