Resolve how you want to FEEL in 2020

You're two weeks into the new year. How are your resolutions going? You want your best YOU to show up in 2020, so congratulations on taking the first step of setting and making resolutions.

But, resolutions typically focus on changing behaviors. You know the drill: cut out sugar, exercise daily, read more, stop constantly checking Facebook. So, what's the real point of behavior change? Is it really to lose five pounds or is it something more fundamental? 

I believe that we adopt new behaviors in an effort to experience specific feelings. We take on these resolutions and work to change our behaviors because we want to change how we feel.

Instead, let's suspend the list of activities we're going to start or stop and get clear about the endpoint:

What feelings do you want to achieve this year? 

This idea is a big shift from the typical New Year Resolution. Let’s begin and prime the pump by reflecting on 2019. What feelings dominated you last year? They could be almost anything, but start making your list. 

Here is a partial list of what my participants shared in my recent workshop:

• contentment

• anxiety

• recognition

• joy

• excitement

• concern

• anticipation

Some feelings were positive, others were not. All feelings are legitimate and can be included in your list.

The next step is to choose at least three feelings you want to experience in 2020. You may repeat some from 2019, but you don't need to choose all new feelings. But, be clear about what will make 2020 a year of positive feelings.

Create three columns on a piece of paper, then label the top of each column with one of your three feelings. 

Use these columns to list any actions, behaviors, or activities you have used in the past that caused you to experience the feeling at the top of the column. Start by listing the tried and true actions and behaviors, then get creative and include some new ideas. 

For example, if one of your headings is “feel beautiful” your actions list might include:

• exercise

• put on lipstick

• wear your favorite blouse

• flirt with your partner

• get your hair done

• avoid the mirror

• go to yoga

If you want to feel contentment, your list may include:

• go for a run

• read a book

• write in your journal

• say a prayer

• work in the garden

• pet your dog

You are creating a menu of actions, behaviors, and activities that you know will generate more of the feelings you want. This menu opens up the possible paths to the feelings you want. With the example menu above, you can see that you can still feel beautiful even if you miss your morning run—can put on some lipstick and feel prettier instead.

As a bonus, I have found that simply pausing to remember how I want to feel moves me closer to that goal. 

I hope you'll reconstitute your resolutions and get clear on your goal. Then, backfill your day with actions that generate those primary feelings.