Take action! With or without confidence.
I recently reviewed a 360 assessment for a new client, Jane (not her real name). These assessments allow peers, direct reports, supervisors, and other colleagues to anonymously score a number of leadership behaviors.
Jane scored herself far lower than all other respondents. Where her peers and direct reports gave her 6's and 5's (on a scale of 1-6 with 6 being the highest) she routinely scored herself a 3.
What is going on?
Is this an extreme case of false modesty? Is she lacking in self-awareness? Or does she lack self-confidence?
There is no doubt that false modesty plays a part. It is normal to see "self" scores trail all other scores. Clients often confess that they purposely scored themselves lower to avoid appearing egotistical.
But in this case, Jane lacked self-confidence:
Jane didn't feel like she knew what she was doing.
She didn't believe she had a long term vision for her team.
Jane also didn't think she accurately judged her direct reports' performance.
According to the book, The Confidence Code, by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, confidence is "the purity of action, produced by a mind free of doubt." Or, in simpler terms, "Confidence is the stuff that turns thoughts into actions."
And women report less self-confidence than men.
The book explores the reasons behind low self-confidence. There are many hypotheses and explanations, but awareness alone won't move someone from inaction to action.
A willingness to take action is the key difference between those with confidence and those without.
Jane was stuck and not taking action. She was thinking:
What she might do wrong next
That her outcomes might not be perfect
That her team would let her down
Jane's team noticed that she was working seven days a week and rarely delegated meaty projects. Her peers didn't observe her hold people accountable. Jane found herself entangled in her team's doing and had no time to provide vision and strategic insights.
If self-confidence is missing, stop waiting for it to show up. Instead, focus on adding these behaviors:
Trust that personal connections are strong and secure. (Example: knowing that asking for a raise won't piss off your boss and make her hate you.)
Stop excessive rumination. (Example: You made a mistake, it's ok to move on.)
Pursue good enough. (Remember, perfection will wear you and your team out.)
Embrace the struggle of trying new things. (How else will people know you have grit?)
Be willing to be wrong.
Accept criticism, it's not personal. (Unless it's from one of those people—who love to bring others down—and they don't count!)
Kill NATS (Negative Automatic Thoughts)
You may not feel more confident, but if you adopt some of these behaviors, you will act more confidently. That is a BIG FIRST STEP.
- Denise